Judge Not...

Just having a moment tonight when I feel I need to get something off my chest. Stop Judging! Like now! I know we all are guilty of doing it. Sometimes without even thinking or realizing that we are passing judgement and really we just need to knock it off and mind our own business. What brought this all on you might ask? Well... tonight I made a comment on facebook that I was looking forward to Rod being off work this week and that I couldn't wait to be done with this "nonsense" of him working overnights. Now I had my friend's mom (that I am obviously fb friends with) chide me for calling Rod's job nonsense and told me I should be grateful he has a job. And this sort of got my blood boiling. I have always really liked the woman who made the comment. But she lives in another town and really hasn't had any interaction with me in the last 6 years. She has no idea the toll it takes on my marriage and our family to have Rod work an overnight 55 hour a week schedule. And I understand there are A LOT of jobs in the world that require odd hours, are stressful, etc. I was just simply expressing MY frustration with what I am dealing with. And so often what we are going through is not "what we signed up for". When Rod started working for Walmart it was understood that when you become a Co-Manager you have a normal schedule and no longer have to do an overnight shift. It was THE incentive of getting promoted (even more than the pay raise). You put in your time as an assistant doing the crap stuff and as you move up you have more responsibility but at least a better quality schedule. This all of course changed company wide about 2 months after Rod was promoted. We were grateful for the promotion but so devastated to learn that there would be no improvement in his schedule after years of sacrifice. Anyway, her comment did do what I am sure she intended and made me feel guilty for complaining. I don't really understand why she felt like scolding me. It made me feel hurt and defensive. It made me want to say "Hey, that's not what I meant!" . Unfortunately, no matter how many emoticons they invent there is no way to add your true intent and tone into what you write on a social media site. What you say can always be taken in a way you did not intend. SO... tonight I would just like to put out there into the universe that we should be careful not to judge. You never know why someone is venting their frustration or why they picked a certain word to use to describe it. I am remembering that as I think of this woman and wondering if maybe she is experiencing some heart ache or sensitivity that made her lash out at me. I am so grateful that Rod has a job. But I don't feel like it's easy and I do feel like anyone can find A JOB. Rod would work anywhere and do anything to provide for us. I couldn't ask for a better husband in that area! That is also why it's so hard sometimes to watch his body and health deteriorate because of it. He deserves better. But that's a conversation for another day. Just remember the next time you want to say something to someone please take a moment to think about why you are doing it and what effect it might have... Chelsea

For close friends only!!

I have a PROBLEM.

A Big Problem.

I am assuming that only people who like me and know me (and are girls) are going to read my blog so I am willing to share my problem with you. If you do not meet the above requirements then stop reading and go look at pintrest or something. This doesn't concern you.

Seriously, if you don't love me go away now please...thanks.



Ok, here it is.


I'm fat.

No, really. Like seriously overweight. Like cry myself to sleep, have only a few clothes that fit, weigh drastically more than my husband, gross, disgusting, feel worthless like I am always going to be this way- fat.
And I don't know how to fix it.

Everyday I start off saying "This day I am going to eat great!" I make a plan. I write down what I will eat for the day. I am realistic. I get that it is HARD to lose weight. But here is the thing...

I think I have a seriously unhealthy relationship with food and that is the real problem. I don't think I know when to stop eating anymore. And food is my best frenemy.
I eat when I am happy. I eat when I am depressed. I just live the day looking forward to eating.

And now I am 28 years old and a good 50lbs overweight. Yep, 50.

And don't go thinking I am exaggerating or that my "goal weight" is some super skinny size. No, I am 50lbs. OVER what would be an AVERAGE weight for me.

I have always loved food. As a teenager I loved the freedom of getting to go eat at a yummy place for lunch. I LOVE eating out. And I love treats and desserts. And I could get away with all that stuff as a teenager. I was never super skinny but I was always "athletic" looking. I had danced and cheered for years so I have good muscle on me so I think my body could always burn off what I ate. I was pretty content with my size 6 body.
But, three kids later I am stuck in a rut. I am not 18 anymore. I have had 3 children and with each pregnancy I have never lost all the weight. So now I weigh the same as I do when I am about to have a baby. And it feels insurmountable. And I feel like I can't be a mom and a good wife and lose weight. And I know some of you will be reading this and think I am just making a ton of excuses. That if I just REALLY wanted it I would be able to do it. But I think if you are thinking that you need to stop for a moment.

For me now I think it's kind of like a disease. And I am typing this and crying and thinking how pathetic I am and pretty much just trying to talk it out... If someone is an alcoholic or a hoarder or I guess has any sort of addiction most people understand that they need help to fix it. I don't know how to fix this alone. I have been trying for YEARS. And I don't expect anyone to have the answer I just needed to say this. To put it out there that I am having a hard time. And I feel like I don't know what to do. For some people genetics have dealt them a nice hand. They are able to just take it right off. Or maybe they're like my friend Tiff who had an IRON willpower. Or maybe if you have a goal or a vacation planned that is enough to motivate you. Well for me I have yet to find the thing. Nothing is ever motivating enough for me not to cave to just one bite, one taste.
Some days I see my husband look at me and I can just tell he is wondering how I got here. He NEVER says anything but I can tell. And I know my mom is absolutely horrified at the way I look. I think it's extremely embarrassing for her and that's why I am dreading going home for my brothers college graduation next month. No one really says too much directly but it's sort of the elephant in the room.
I'm the elephant in the room.
And my dad will be there and he isn't as subtle. And I feel like I am disappointing all of them.

And you'd think that that right there would be enough to motivate me. And it is... for a moment. But it will all go out the window at some point tomorrow when I am hungry and I push these feelings to the back of my mind...

I just don't know what to do next. I just want to be done thinking about it for now. But thanks for listening and hopefully not judging me too harshly. This was hard for me to say.

Thanks- Chelsea

Yep, I'm finally back...

Hello Friends,

Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Can I use the holidays as an excuse? Oh, wait. That was a few months ago. How about Jackson's birthday in March? Truth be told sometimes I feel like blogging and sometimes I don't. Which I realize is a little lame since I expect everyone else to constantly be updating... Moving on...

Life has in all honesty has been really busy lately. I have been helping a lot at Isabelle's school and I have been trying to do a better job of taking care of our house. Rod expressed to me that he really wanted me to try and keep the house up better and I have been trying to honor that. I am not quite as enthusiastic about housekeeping as some are. I have lots of friends who relish in organization and immaculate homes. I think ALL women love having everything in it's proper little place but I am still trying to find a balance. (For anyone who isn't at my house regularly it's not like it's a disaster normally or anything)

The kids are doing great and I LOVE having Thatcher and Jackson at home. They are just as I hoped brothers would be. They love to spend time with each other and play. Jackson will tolerate pretty much anything Thatch does. I feel so blessed to have such good little boys home with me all day.

At some point I am going to get my act together and figure out how to be a better time manager. I am starting to think that's what my problem is. I really don't know how some people do it though. I feel like everyone else is doing so much more than I do and they have beautiful homes, are great cooks, have cute little figures, and are righteous and kind to boot!! Someday maybe I'll figure out how to do it too. Maybe I just need to sleep less...

Oh Christmas Card, Oh Christmas Card...How difficult you are...

Every year I send out a Christmas card. I absolutely love receiving Christmas cards and I know that as technology slowly takes over our lives the annual Christmas card will probably become a thing of the past but this is my attempt to keep the tradition alive. For some people the Christmas card (like those of you who won't be reading this because you don't blog) is the only time you see an updated picture of my family. And somehow every year my mom convinces me to send them to all of her relatives that I haven't seen in 15 years. This is of course because she doesn't have the time to send out her own card but seeing how she does a TON for us I don't really mind. But I am getting off track...

The original plan was to have Stevie, my fabulous photographer friend, take our Christmas pics BUT... that just wasn't in the cards (pun intended) this year. Somehow it was either too cold, Rod had to work, or the lighting just wasn't good. So I was stuck taking the photos myself like every year which means they are
A) mediocre at best and
B) I am not in them

but here is what trying to get a picture of a 6 year old, a 4 year old and an 8 month old gets you..

In fairness to my kids I told them to stick out there tongues because by the time Jackson had the sock in his mouth I had pretty much tried everything to get them to all just look at the camera, not squint, and smile. Which is impossible.

Oh, well. The point is there cute, right? Hopefully someone will notice the coordinating outfits. Happy Thanksgiving Friends!

And here is the best one I got...

The Last 10 days

Well, the last 10 days have been pretty crazy for me. I am trying to organize my thoughts so I can write about it but that is easier said than done. But I am going to try. Starting with my trip to see Sara...

Okay, so it's Tuesday November 1st and I am taking a 6:20 flight out of Pocatello to Salt Lake and then flying from Salt Lake into Seattle. Yes, it would have been much easier to fly out of Idaho Falls but the tickets are at least DOUBLE what it is to fly out of Pocatello so that is what I chose. So we head out to Pocatello, stopping by Carsten's bakery on the way out of town to pick up a cream cheese brownie for Sara. (if you have never been to Carsten's bakery I highly recommend you go) We get there with time to spare but I of course forget the brownies when I am getting all my stuff and they sit in the car for the next 4 days. But moving along...
If any of you have ever flown alone with a baby you know what it's like for me. I have Jackson, the car seat, the stroller, the diaper bag and last of all my carry on. Now let me tell you something about carry on luggage. It is only convenient to carry on your luggage if you are flying alone. But the stinking airlines charge $25 to check you bag now which I refuse to pay! So I am shlepping all my crap with me.
As a disclaimer I would like to state that I am an experienced flyer. I have flown for years. Since I was a baby and I have taken many of my children on airplanes by myself. I am great on a plane as long as it isn't a puddle jumper that is probably like 30 years old... And we get the seat right next to the propeller. And it vibrates and shakes the whole way there. That along with the lovely turbulence and the fact that I had to change Jackson's clothes because he peed all over himself make it one heck of a 35 minute flight.
By the time we arrive in Salt Lake I am so grateful to be on the ground I wonder how I am ever going to get back on a plane to go to Seattle...which is already boarding TWO concourses over!
I get ahead of myself here.
In Pocatello they gate check all of my stuff. Which means they put a tag on it and let you check it under the plane as you are boarding. Hey Airlines- this is a dumb policy. Why can't you let me just check all this stuff when I get my ticket because you end up putting it under the plane for free anyway!! Thanks for making me carry it around the airport with me! It makes no sense- as you will see later.
Anyway, in the rush to get all of my things and make it from E concourse over to C concourse I grab the stroller and car seat and run like mad. Oh No! you're thinking. Because you realize way before me that I have left my bag. I of course don't realize this until I am almost to my gate to Seattle. By the time I start talking to the gate agent about my forgotten bag I am crying. Sobbing actually. Because I am so nauseous from the Pocatello flight and I just can't believe I would make such a stupid mistake. But it felt like I had everything because I already had half my house with me without even adding on my stupid luggage. You can tell they all feel bad for me but there is really nothing they can do since once it is in the bag handlers area the gate agents have no idea where it's gone. This is where I could go off on a tangent about why I dislike unions but I will refrain.

So... I have to board the plane with only the shirt on my back. I was out of clothes that weren't covered in pee for Jackson and I had only the formula or diapers that were in my diaper bag. Thankfully, this is where my experience in flying had paid off and I have way more stuff than I thought I would need. Thank goodness. The flight is a long 2+ hours but I get there and we survived. Barely.

Now to the good part. While in Seattle I have the most fabulous time. After all the trouble of getting there we get to Sara's house and it is pretty much identical to her home in Idaho.
Like creepy similar.
I see why she instantly liked the place. It looked like home. And once I got Jackson put to sleep then Tev made me eggs and homemade guacamole. And sitting there at their kitchen table felt like home. It felt like a sigh of relief. It's funny how life is like that. I have missed Sara so much since she left and sitting their with her at the kitchen table while Tev made us a late night snack was probably my favorite memory of the trip. Because it's exactly what it's always been like and there is comfort in the familiar. In friends who are like family. And in guacamole. :)

The next few days went by like a whirlwind. On Wednesday we took Adelaide on a hike to school. Seriously, could there be more hills?? Don't get me wrong, it's gorgeous there. Everything is green and alive and just looks like you are almost in the mountains in Colorado but I felt like I was hiking.
Then once Adelaide got home we headed to the airport to get my luggage that had arrived on a flight that morning. (Which by the way, the airline dose not charge you for. Again, all this inconvenience make me almost want to pay the stupid $25...almost) Then I change into clean clothes in the airport bathroom. There is really nothing more spectacular than clean underwear and clothes that don't smell like spit up.

Then we headed into Seattle and took a ferry out to Bainbridge Island. This was super fun and I wish we could have had all day just to explore this cute little island. We looked in the shops and we tried some fudge. Sara had her first taste of Seafoam and it was a lovely time. By the time we got back to Sara's van we were all pretty tired though because again their are like a million hills here and I am pushing a stroller. That night Sara and I went out to eat and I got some delicious lobster. It was a fun and exhausting day!!

On Thursday we had to recover from our day of fun so we pretty much hung out at the house. Sara made us delicious food for every meal and it was fun to just relax and talk. We even went to this place called Value Village that was like a Desert Industries but better! I wish I could have bought more but I found gifts for both the kids there and I only spent $9!!
We also went to Top Pot Doughnuts which if you follow the OBB Blog you will know what I am talking about!!

On Friday we went to the Pike Place Market. It is an amazingly cool place. All of the delicious food!! I just wanted to take pictures of all the beautiful fruits and vegetables!! I got to have Beecher's famous Mac and cheese and I tried a pistachio macaron at this little french bakery that was divine! It seemed like I had just gotten there and now it was time to leave.
Thankfully, the flight home was much easier than the flight there. And the best news is that I managed to get an earlier flight home from Salt Lake that put me into Idaho Falls rather than Pocatello. I was sooo grateful!!

When I got home my house was a mess and once I finally got it put back together this cold that I have been fighting off for a few weeks finally took hold. But this post is becoming incredibly long so I will try to finish up with just the important stuff I have wanted to tell someone...

* I found my first grey hair this week. It was kinda surprising. I am only 28 after all. I, of course, pulled it promptly out of my head and went to show Rod who was less than impressed.

* Thatcher said the funniest thing to Jackson the other morning. They were both sitting at the table and Jackson was jabbering quite loudly and Thatch turns to him and says "Can you keep it down so I can eat" It was hysterical!

* I hate being sick. I hate that people think I am not allowed to be sick. Sorry if I seem like I have been sick for the past several weeks but I am trying here. Really, who does it suck for? You or me? If you aren't going to be nice just leave me alone. I am really not sick that often.


Okay, I am done. Hopefully I can figure out how to upload some of my pictures of Seattle from my phone. And I hope that sort of explained what my last 10 days were like. It's been crazy.

Salsa

Some days are easy and some days are hard. Ironically, yesterday was easy and I accomplished a lot. Today, not so much and I pretty much got nothing done..at least not in comparison.

It is 7:37pm and I am sitting here super tired. I got less than 4 hours of sleep last night so I was running on nothing more than fumes today. All I want is a hot bath and some salsa.
Yep, that's right.

A hot bath....and SALSA!

And not just any salsa.

Puerta Vallarta's salsa.

If you have never had it you are missing out. Seriously. No, really. I mean it.

But...Rod isn't home yet. My kids need put to bed. And let's face it- do I really need to go out when he does get home (which probably won't be until after 8:30) just to make a salsa run? Hmmm...I think this is a great example of my emotional affair with food. So maybe not tonight.

Definitely tomorrow though... and hopefully tomorrow will be easier.
If for no other reason than the fact that it will have salsa in it.

Chase Family Fun...

So, since last Thursday we had Nathan, Camber and their three boys staying with us. Now anyone who knows me knows I have a tendency to "say it like it is". With that said these are hands down my FAVORITE people in the world that I call family. They are the reason that I can handle the rest of the Chase clan. We all had so much fun. Like always we stayed up way too late, the kids got up way too early and as soon as I finished cleaning up the kids were hungry again. That's all ok though because I have a feeling that years from now this is the stuff my kids are actually going to remember. Unfortunately, I didn't really remember to take any pictures though and I am kicking myself for it! I really need to be better about this. Especially since we did so many fun things. Here are a few of my favorites...

*Several games of "Split", Pinochle and Hand and Foot

* We had Low Boil- which they had never had before. If you have never had it you've got to try it! Pretty much the gist is that you cook a bunch of stuff in a big pot and then you spread it on a tablecloth in the middle of your table and everyone just digs in. Kids love it! (Let me know if you want the recipe)

* For once my plans actually came to fruition. I went all Martha Stewart (literally, I took it off her site) and made a fun craft with the kids. Button wreath ornaments. This is what they are supposed to look like... ours were something like that...


The kids had a lot of fun doing it.

* We went out to Rod's parents and the ALL of the siblings and all but one of the spouses played a game together. This is pretty much unheard of. The fact that no ones feelings got hurt and everyone got along was amazing. It made me feel like maybe someday we all might get along...

* It reaffirmed my faith in family. Camber really is the closest thing I am ever going to have to a sister and thankfully she makes me feel like we are the real thing. Many times over the years I have felt like God knew I needed her since I would never have a biological sister.

It was all so much fun that I can't wait to do it again. Soon.